Today I...2

[Cem]

Today I...Left the house for something other than a doctors appointment for the first time since last Thursday! lol. I was sick with a really, really bad flu bug, but apart from a bad cough and being even more tired than normal I'm better.

Good news though, a week tomorrow I start horse riding regularly again for the first time in a almost a year!! I so can't wait!!

[rainpaint]

Took the SATs...sat in a desk for FIVE HOURS under a blowing, loud air...vent...thingy...(whatever it was, it was loud and cold). But all in all the SATs weren't bad. I prayed all week, took practice tests, got up freakishly early, went, was scared to death (I nearly broke down in the car, and my heart was racing as I stood in the hallway with, like, fifty other kids who I'd never seen before in my life and who I'll probably never see again), and then realized, hey, the SAT's aren't what are going to get me into college. God is.

So. Yeah. I am very tired right now - I've been up for twelve hours and forty minutes. But it was a good lesson day, and the SAT's were really easy.

[Cem]

Cool, glad you felt they were easy! I kinda get the fear you're talking about, with being with that many strangers, I used to panic in situatious similar to that too! Totally normal when you're not used to being around people like that! And you're right, its God who'll get you there Something I spent a lot of time thinking and prayin about last night. I was kinda a wreck.

Apologies for my absence, I've just had a lot on my mind the last couple weeks. And that all got worse last night. I had a massive shock after the youth serivce I was at, when I was told a good friend will be moving away in a few months time. Its really messing with my head.

...have been reading a book most of the day and trying not to dwell on the before mentioned pain. Very hard actually! lol

[Cem]

...have been riding! Woo!! I've just had my third regular lesson and I'm mreally loving the center, and I've fallen in love with the piebald cob, Jake, that I ride. He's fab!

This week has been very hard, and very teary, for me. I spent about 3 days in shock, seriously, after I was told the youth minister in my church is leaving. I can not explain how much of a support he has been and how much his ministry is loved by everyone and how massive a loss this is.

So riding today has been a massive help, and I'm so grateful for it, because its just totally chilled me out and it gave me a break and put a real smile back on my face.

[Cem]

...am posting before my riding lesson! lol

Riding in an hour and a half, then after that I'm going mattress shopping! lol!

[Cem]

...Bought new baby Gerbils!!!! They're sooooo cute!! They're girls, about 6/7 weeks old and they're tiny!! One is a pale sandy color and her belly is all white, and the other is a soft, dusty grey. I love them! Lol. Wasn't meant to be buying more pets, but I was in the pet shop buying sawdust for my other gerbils and saw them and couldn't resist! Despite not having space for the cage in my room at present lol Oh well! Will jut have to tidy my desk after tea, then my floor tomorrow so they have a permanant space. lol So happy!! Can ya tell

[rainpaint]

LOL well...I'm going to break this a little and make it "Two days ago I..." because on Sunday I was too exhausted to write and on Monday I was too busy to post and make it "Yesterday I."

So anyway...

Two days ago I...

Sang at church for our Youth Service! It was one of the absolute best days of my life.

We practiced ONCE on Thurs. and I had to be there at 6:45 on Sun. which meant getting up at 5:45. I thought I had an hour to get ready but as it turns out I had 45 minutes to get ready since the church is about fifteen minutes away...but I made it. LOL it turns out it didn't matter because the guy (Tommy) who plays the guitar and sings was really late...LOL the pastor's son, Ryan, (who wasn't singing, thank goodness, LOL, but was there because his mom was directing the skit that also went on in the service) called Tommy at 7 and Tommy was still asleep so that was interesting...he stumbled in about ten minutes later...

I didn't realize how nervous I was until I was actually up there in front of the whole congregation (I didn't have to sing a solo, thank goodness) but I was literally shaking as I sang. Still, it went well...I only messed up a few times, LOL (Anthony, the other guitar player, and I were discussing that afterward - not that I messed up but that we both did and we were just like, aw, man, and kept going). And then I got to scurry off the stage and relax for the rest of the service.

My Youth Pastor, Kyler, talked...I love it when he does the...sermon sounds too stuffy, almost...but anyway, he was up there talking for a little while, and then the skit people did the skit. I'd seen it twice already that morning, but it absolutely gave me chills as they did it for the congregation. You have to watch it in order to really get it...I was crying, my girls' group leader was crying, it was great...LOL.

Then we had a really long wait between services...I just kinda hung out w/ my little sister who opened doors for people leaving and coming...told people how great they were...got told how great I was (my favorite compliment was from Joey, Anthony's brother, who played Jesus in the skit...he said, "I didn't know you could sing like that." LOL I'm grinning even as I write it...I might, possibly, maybe, have a teeny little crush on him...maybe...).

Then we sang again...I felt so much better the second time around, I'd loosened up quite a bit and felt that I sang better.

And then, sadly, it was over. But I had the songs stuck in my head all day, and I kept seeing the skit...and hearing Joey's compliment...

So that was it. Whew!

[Cem]

I get it. I finally watched that skit today, been meaning to since you first mentioned it. And wow. I was in tears too! So, so powerful. Thanks for sharing! Sounds like it was a really great day for you. I used to sing in our youth services, back when I was a member rather than a leader, and I always got really, really nervous before hand, but once I started I was usually fine. Minus the odd mistake that everyone makes lol

And I knwo what you mean about the word Sermon being too stuffy. lol I love when our youth minister speaks too, can't really call it a sermon cause it makes it sound dull and...I do'nt know, can't think of the word, but something not so good, when actually the sermons by him are great fun! I'm gutted though cause our youth minister was meant to be speaking at the big monthly youth service in town (so in other words youth groups from masses of semi local places come, its not held in our chuch and we don't run it and stuff) on Sunday, but he has a job interview (gutted again hes leaving) on Monday morning so he's got to travel there sunday night so he's not talking now

Anyway, Today I...helped in the Coffee Shop. Its owned (or at least the building is) by our Church, and about 4 years ago now. Wait...re calculates...nope...5 years ago they opened this coffee shop. Its called The Old School Rooms Coffee Shop cause the building was a school many eons ago lol. Was a tiny run down buliding and the Chuch got funding and raised the money to extend and refurbish it so now instead of being a small hall and 2 tiny offices, its a big place with a massive hall that can be devided in to 3, the Coffee Shop, kitchen and church office downstairs, with a mid size meeting space upstairs along with 3 smallish offices.

Anyway, about 4 years ago I started helping in the coffee shop cause I wasn't well enough for college or work, and I just helped once or maybe twice a week for a few hours. And after doing that all summer I was made a Team leader. Meaning I can open/close cash up and such. I was (still am actually lol) the Youngest team leader but I don't have a problem with it lol. And I did this on and off until about 18 months ago when I got a paid job (did I mention that minus the 2 managers, washing up person and the chef its all voulenteer run). And today for the first time in a year I helped as Team Leader.

Pretty strange really lol. The 14-18s cafe I help with is run in the coffee shop so I'm still there once a week, but its very different in the day time lol. But I enjoyed it, shattered now I'm done, despite only being there from 9-12. But hey, thats my illness for ya!

[Cem]

...spent 4 and a half hours sat in the ER with my sister. She shut her finger in the car door (how she only trapped one not all four I do not get!! lol) Thankfully its not broken, just badly brusied though she can't ride her motorbike for a week or so. And even better its her left hand she's hurt, cause she's right handed and has exams this week! lol

[Cem]

Today it was really hot (for here anyway) and I was a bit ill cause of it. But now its evening its cooler and I'm feeling a bit better. Its been a good and bad weekend for many reasons. My riding lesson wwent really well yesterday, but I've been switched to a different horse. His name is Barney and he's a 14.3 black Welsh Cob cross. He's a lovely horse and we get on well, but I'll really miss riding Jake, he's more my type of horse.

On the bad side I found out last night that my Gramps is in hospital. He fell at home and badly broke his nose and jaw. The doctors aren't sure if he had a mini stroke or just blacked out. Either way its not good. He's not in the best of health anyway, and his nose apparently still won't stop bleeding, cause he's on blood thinners, so he's got to stay in for a while.

Today I spent some time sat in the sun with one of my rabbits and have a scratch running the length of my upper arm to show for it! lol. Then I was at the evening session I help with, and it was really good, though really quite emotional. And then I came home, said hey to my parents and my Uncle who's staying this weekend, went upstairs and changed my t-shirt, picked up my glasses again and they snapped. Right on the bridge so they're un-fixable. SO not what I needed at the end of a long and stressful weekend. Thankfully my parents have already said they'll pay for new frames (I can get free lenses cause I'm not well enough to work therefore have very little money) but still. I liked those frames and so its just the last thing I needed tonight.

[rainpaint]

Had a most wonderful time at church...

The lesson was fantastic - Michelle, my girls' group leader, actually roped the people in enough to get the point across...

Anyway, beyond that...I've mentioned Joey before, the one who gave me the really nice compliment after I sang back in May. Well, somehow, this girl named Whitney got his car keys (well, not HIS car keys; he drives his family's van and doesn't have a car) away from him without his knowing it...she hid them on the water fountain, and I grabbed them from there...eventually he noticed they were missing and started throwing couch cushions looking for them, LOL. Then I tapped on the door to our classroom and dangled the keys in front of the window...then RAN AWAY!!! LOL...then the keys were tossed back and forth between me and his sister Serena and Whitney again...eventually he got them. But it was just really really funny and now I laugh whenever I see car keys...

Plus I'm on a just-posted-a-new-awesome-chapter-for-my-story-induced high...plus I got to practice driving today for a while and drove on the roads a lot...I've been trying to learn how to drive for nearly two years now, LOL.

[Cem]

And a seriously awesome chapter it is!! Sounds like fun, the hiding of the car keys and all!

Today I...went to the doctors. I'm sick again =( Just a mild throat virus right now, but knowing me it could easily turn in to tonsilitus and have me sick for weeks! lol

Good news is my Gramps went home from hospital yesterday and is doing ok, though he's still got a long way to go before he'll be ok. And my sister passed her driving test yesterday with flying colors, so she's over the moon.

Oh, am I'm dealing with a sprained wrist right now cause I slipped on the stairs last night, was lucky not to fall all the way down really, and so all today my whole right arm is sore =( Not fun! And also makes it hard to write and type, so I haven't been able to write anything today which is bothering me! lol

[rainpaint]

Feel kinda stupid...

But if I think about it too much it hurts.

Let's just say that I did it again - I got my hopes up, only to have them dashed once again. I do that every time!!!!

It's nobody's fault...not my poor sister, who had the unpleasant task of telling me. And not even him...I knew that he and this other girl were really close friends...I should have seen it...I guess I read him wrong and got all excited. So *shrugs*

I'm better than I was, but I'm still not okay. But I will be.

The good thing in all this is,

1. I still trust that God has a plan for me, better than the one I got all excited about.

2. As soon as I found out, I called my friend...we hadn't talked for a while but then a week or two ago she sent me a card and I sent her one back and then on Monday we talked on the phone for nearly an hour...so we're getting back to where we were. And I called her and cried and she made me feel a lot better...

[Cem]

Oh that sucks! I'm so sorry. Don't feel stupid about it, seriously, there is nothing wong with hoping for something like that.

Thats very cool about it helping bring you and your friend back together though!!

Yesterday I had my riding lesson and for the first time I was counter-cantering. And I'm so happy with how it went. I had a little warning that I was going to be doing it, in that my instructor asked me just before I got on if I'd done it before! lol. But as it was only the 4th lesson I've had on this horse and I kept him cantering the whole time I was meant to, and stayed balanced and everything, I'm really, really happy with how I did! If wasn't perfect by any rate, but it was good enough, and my instructor was really pleased with how I'd done too, so that was good too.

[eaty]

Wow i haven't posted on here in forever... Hopefully i am not forgotten.

The last few months have been pure hell for me, sometimes i am surprised i am still alive. So i have just been avoiding a lot of things. I now have pretty much no horse contact, it is like that whole part of my life is gone now. Been trying a little to get some back into my life because i miss it so much. And i have been dealing with so much drama with everything.

So yeah that is my little update thingy, i bet i could write more but i'm just not in a good mood.

Anyway today i... Went for a nice long walk, then went out and got some ice cream that i haven't gotten in forever. Then went and hung out with my best friend for a few hours and it was a great time, we were laughing so hard some of the time. When me and her were standing outside waiting for my mom to pick me up, i decided to roll down this little hill she has, and i got to the bottom and i was trying to run up the hill but i was so dizzy that i kept running to the left instead of forward like i was trying too. Ended up running into the side of her house and scared her. It was so funny. Then i came home and just relaxed for a tiny bit... Then just a few minutes ago i wrote this email to a different friend, and it was pretty much about me giving up and saying goodbye. And i don't know what is going to end up happening with this friend. It is just a mess.

I don't really know what else to say. Just felt like posting on here for a change.